People are just that, people.

On my phone

Relationships are hard; any kind of relationship is difficult.

There are ups and downs. 

Good times and not so good times. And navigating the terrain of relationships - whether professional or personal - can be emotionally draining at times.

Doesn't matter what the status or title people are just people; they can hurt, anger and sadden us without even knowing! 

Recently this happened to me both personally and professionally. Things were said and actions (or lack of them) made me feel like an outsider, like the relationship we shared wasn't of value. I was made to feel like I held no position of influence and my contribution was of no worth.  

Being hurt, angered and/or saddened is not pleasant, in turn it can begin to create new feelings of resentment and bitterness or worse. It's easy to see how if you store up all these feelings it would start to create a rift among friends. To pull people apart.  

This is where things where starting to head for me and I didn't like it. 

I don't like being anger with friends or feeling like they don't care about me (when I knew in my head that they did). But saying something is hard (yep, this is the hard part in relationships). Having the courage to put up your hand and say 'you may not realise this but your actions/words have hurt me'.  

Perhaps you've heard about letting go of old hurts but forgiving friends before they have apologised can seem like an impossibility. Yet God wants to know all our stresses, He wants us to give them all to Him. My friends had hurt me and I was really stressed, so I did just that. 

I prayed. I told God how they made me feel, told Him I was choosing to forgive them and to help heal my heart. And like always - He listened, He answered.

Without anger or bitterness I then put up my hand and told my friends - I'd been hurt. How they had made me feel and that I was speaking to them so that we could all make a conscious effort to avoid the same thing happening in the future. 

I was proud of myself for saying something. I'm not very good at talking about my feelings; I'm not the most eloquent person which makes me nervous and tongue-tied but I wrote down what I wanted to say on a bit of paper and I spoke out. 

If you feel hurt, say something. Your friend might be feeling hurt too. 

Seek God's timing about when to say something, be gentle and speak without accusation but do say something. It will help to strengthen your relationship.

A deep sense of loneliness

There are times when a deep sense of loneliness engulfs every inch of me and I can't escape it; like a solid and lasting punch to the heart.

It isn't brought on by seeing lovers kissing, or even by the memory of falling asleep in the strong yet soft and gentle embrace of a man. No, it isn't brought on by anything like this.
The loneliness just comes from nowhere, punches me in the heart and leaves me to deal with that solid and lasting pain that then consumes me. It's as though this punch leaves a hollowness in my heart and soul that I am unable to fill.

Last year it was more than I could handle. But I couldn't bring myself to say anything to anyone. Thinking that Jesus is meant to be my comforter and councillor, I foolishly kept telling myself that should be able to pray about this and the Holy Spirit would help me out - I shouldn't have to talk to anyone about this! I knew that in order to remove the power that a situation or the power that struggles held over me (or you), I needed to speak about them. By speaking about it I would be shedding light on that situation or struggle and removing the power it held over me.
But with this deep sense of loneliness, no.
I didn't want to speak to anyone, I didn't want to ask for help, asking for help is considered a sign of weakness (popular culture tells me that so it must be true) and I'm not weak....
But I was wrong; oh so very very wrong. It was weak to not ask for help.

Friends, didn't know I was struggling and I certainly wasn't about to tell them I constantly felt deeply and desperately lonely - that I was fighting these feelings even when I was with trusted friends and family. No, I wasn't about to talk to them.

It was the Christian prayer counsellor I was seeing at the time that I eventually told. It took a couple of months. Yet there in that private room under the cover of a signed confidentiality agreement (which seems SO important when you don't want to talk about your feelings) I took a big breath, lifted my head to heaven to avoid crying as I spoke and told someone. For the first time I said "I'm lonely. I can't escape this deep painful loneliness in my heart and soul. It really hurts!"

SO glad I said something! Once I stopped crying (yes, even lifting my head so the tears wouldn't roll down my cheeks they inevitably did) we prayed.
That's a lie - I didn't pray; my prayer counsellor prayed for me and I agreed with her prayer. She prayed against spirit of loneliness, and that the Lord Jesus would fill my heart with His unconditional love as only He can, and take away this the deep loneliness, to fill me with His joy and love.

It wasn't until I lay in bed that night that I even noticed that for the first time, in I've no idea how long, I didn't feel lonely. My heart wasn't screaming for love. I felt FULL of Jesus' love! That love that only He can give! Through the Holy Spirit I knew and now really felt loved! Loved beyond words and beyond understanding - I am LOVED!

Looking back, the hardest part was telling someone about it. I couldn't break free on my own, I'd tried for months to do it by myself and I couldn't, I needed to ask someone else to pray me through it.

I can't encourage you enough - if this article has spoken into your heart PLEASE go and see a counsellor or ask a trusted wise friend to help you and prayer with you. You only need to ask! 

The battle was not mine.

Many aspects of last year where incredibly hard for me. 

Work was the hardest. But Jesus gave me this job and only He was going to take it away.

When everything seemed to much, when I wanted to give up, friends helped me to have the courage to seek the wisdom and guidance of a wonderful prayer councillor, to seek God's face and let Him fight my war. 

When I didn't want to battle at work anymore, see my friends or smile and talk - the Lord was my strength and my salvation. 

Slowly, one day at a time and over weekly meetings for a couple of months I opened my heart to Jesus'  embrace. Slowly I gave in, and started to listen to Him, allowing Jesus to take the pain my enemies had inflicted. He was helping me stand up straight again.  

Slowly, I stood aside as Jesus softened my heart and strengthened my resolve that it was His plan and that at work that battle was already won by Him, not me. He carried me through it all. 

He won the battle on my behalf. 

The dust has settled now and my enemy is long gone. I am still here, still standing firm; Jesus and I. 

I can't begin to tell you how many times I read Psalm 27, but in it I found strength, perhaps you will too. 

Psalm 27

The Lord is my light and my salvation;
 Whom shall I fear?
 The Lord is the strength of my life;
 Of whom shall I be afraid?

When the wicked came against me
 To eat up my flesh,
 My enemies and foes,
 They stumbled and fell.

Though an army may encamp against me, 
My heart shall not fear; 
Though war may rise against me, 
In this I will be confident.

One thing I have desired of the Lord, 
That will I seek:
 That I may dwell in the house of the Lord
All the days of my life,
 To behold the beauty of the Lord,
 And to inquire in His temple.

For in the time of trouble 
He shall hide me in His pavilion; 
In the secret place of His tabernacle
He shall hide me; 
He shall set me high upon a rock.

And now my head shall be lifted up above my enemies all around me;
 Therefore I will offer sacrifices of joy in His tabernacle;
 I will sing, yes, I will sing praises to the Lord.

Hear, O Lord, when I cry with my voice!
 Have mercy also upon me, and answer me.

When You said, “Seek My face,”
 My heart said to You, “Your face, Lord, I will seek.”

Do not hide Your face from me; 
Do not turn Your servant away in anger;
 You have been my help; 
Do not leave me nor forsake me,
 O God of my salvation.

When my father and my mother forsake me, 
Then the Lord will take care of me.

Teach me Your way, O Lord,
 And lead me in a smooth path, because of my enemies.

Do not deliver me to the will of my adversaries; 
For false witnesses have risen against me, 
And such as breathe out violence.

I would have lost heart, unless I had believed
 That I would see the goodness of the Lord
 In the land of the living.

Wait on the Lord;
 Be of good courage, 
And He shall strengthen your heart;
 Wait, I say, on the Lord!


NKJV: Bible Gateway