Currently

Loving: Sunshine! Spring has sprung in Melbourne and with it comes the lovely warm sunshine! Days are getting longer and soon daylight savings will be upon us once again :) 

Reading: Finding Happiness in the Most Unlikely Places by Donald W McCullough. It reads as though it was written recently, not 22 years ago! Using simple every-day easy-to-understand language it looks at the Beatitudes. It has been refreshing to read; the lack of Christian lingo is delightful! 

Watching: Suits session 2. If you don't watch Suits you have to start! The wit, plot twists, suits and comical banter are fantastic! I have no idea what I'll watch once I finished the season... maybe I'll go back to Community to a bit, till I can find something as good as Suits. If you've got any suggestions about what I should watch next - let me know.

Anticipating: A conference in Nashville, followed by visiting friends in Montreal and San Francisco! Turns out I'll be there in the middle of the pre-election American Presidencial campaign fiasco. I really don't think I have any idea about what this trip will be like, or what opportunities will come from it.
But what I do know is that I'm going with the view of doing as much as I can, see as much as I can and speak to as many Americans (more than Canadians) and telling them that we get our mail delivered by Kangaroos! If stereotypes count for anything, I think most will believe me ;)

Listening to: Will Reagan and United Pursuit, I need some new worship music and Will is on it.

Planning: Holidays! I'm going to have to write a list soon of all the possible things I could do in the States and Canada, otherwise I'm going to forget. But first I'm still planning out all my accommodation. One step at a time. Once accommodation is sorted, I'll focus on planning more around the fun stuff :)

Working on: Winding up old projects - finishing well. 

Wishing: It was October already! I'm ready for the long haul flight.... not so ready to decide what to pack but ready to fly away for adventures!

What are you wishing for?

People are just that, people.

On my phone

Relationships are hard; any kind of relationship is difficult.

There are ups and downs. 

Good times and not so good times. And navigating the terrain of relationships - whether professional or personal - can be emotionally draining at times.

Doesn't matter what the status or title people are just people; they can hurt, anger and sadden us without even knowing! 

Recently this happened to me both personally and professionally. Things were said and actions (or lack of them) made me feel like an outsider, like the relationship we shared wasn't of value. I was made to feel like I held no position of influence and my contribution was of no worth.  

Being hurt, angered and/or saddened is not pleasant, in turn it can begin to create new feelings of resentment and bitterness or worse. It's easy to see how if you store up all these feelings it would start to create a rift among friends. To pull people apart.  

This is where things where starting to head for me and I didn't like it. 

I don't like being anger with friends or feeling like they don't care about me (when I knew in my head that they did). But saying something is hard (yep, this is the hard part in relationships). Having the courage to put up your hand and say 'you may not realise this but your actions/words have hurt me'.  

Perhaps you've heard about letting go of old hurts but forgiving friends before they have apologised can seem like an impossibility. Yet God wants to know all our stresses, He wants us to give them all to Him. My friends had hurt me and I was really stressed, so I did just that. 

I prayed. I told God how they made me feel, told Him I was choosing to forgive them and to help heal my heart. And like always - He listened, He answered.

Without anger or bitterness I then put up my hand and told my friends - I'd been hurt. How they had made me feel and that I was speaking to them so that we could all make a conscious effort to avoid the same thing happening in the future. 

I was proud of myself for saying something. I'm not very good at talking about my feelings; I'm not the most eloquent person which makes me nervous and tongue-tied but I wrote down what I wanted to say on a bit of paper and I spoke out. 

If you feel hurt, say something. Your friend might be feeling hurt too. 

Seek God's timing about when to say something, be gentle and speak without accusation but do say something. It will help to strengthen your relationship.

A deep sense of loneliness

There are times when a deep sense of loneliness engulfs every inch of me and I can't escape it; like a solid and lasting punch to the heart.

It isn't brought on by seeing lovers kissing, or even by the memory of falling asleep in the strong yet soft and gentle embrace of a man. No, it isn't brought on by anything like this.
The loneliness just comes from nowhere, punches me in the heart and leaves me to deal with that solid and lasting pain that then consumes me. It's as though this punch leaves a hollowness in my heart and soul that I am unable to fill.

Last year it was more than I could handle. But I couldn't bring myself to say anything to anyone. Thinking that Jesus is meant to be my comforter and councillor, I foolishly kept telling myself that should be able to pray about this and the Holy Spirit would help me out - I shouldn't have to talk to anyone about this! I knew that in order to remove the power that a situation or the power that struggles held over me (or you), I needed to speak about them. By speaking about it I would be shedding light on that situation or struggle and removing the power it held over me.
But with this deep sense of loneliness, no.
I didn't want to speak to anyone, I didn't want to ask for help, asking for help is considered a sign of weakness (popular culture tells me that so it must be true) and I'm not weak....
But I was wrong; oh so very very wrong. It was weak to not ask for help.

Friends, didn't know I was struggling and I certainly wasn't about to tell them I constantly felt deeply and desperately lonely - that I was fighting these feelings even when I was with trusted friends and family. No, I wasn't about to talk to them.

It was the Christian prayer counsellor I was seeing at the time that I eventually told. It took a couple of months. Yet there in that private room under the cover of a signed confidentiality agreement (which seems SO important when you don't want to talk about your feelings) I took a big breath, lifted my head to heaven to avoid crying as I spoke and told someone. For the first time I said "I'm lonely. I can't escape this deep painful loneliness in my heart and soul. It really hurts!"

SO glad I said something! Once I stopped crying (yes, even lifting my head so the tears wouldn't roll down my cheeks they inevitably did) we prayed.
That's a lie - I didn't pray; my prayer counsellor prayed for me and I agreed with her prayer. She prayed against spirit of loneliness, and that the Lord Jesus would fill my heart with His unconditional love as only He can, and take away this the deep loneliness, to fill me with His joy and love.

It wasn't until I lay in bed that night that I even noticed that for the first time, in I've no idea how long, I didn't feel lonely. My heart wasn't screaming for love. I felt FULL of Jesus' love! That love that only He can give! Through the Holy Spirit I knew and now really felt loved! Loved beyond words and beyond understanding - I am LOVED!

Looking back, the hardest part was telling someone about it. I couldn't break free on my own, I'd tried for months to do it by myself and I couldn't, I needed to ask someone else to pray me through it.

I can't encourage you enough - if this article has spoken into your heart PLEASE go and see a counsellor or ask a trusted wise friend to help you and prayer with you. You only need to ask! 

Goodbye my dear dear friend Poscus

Saying goodbye to a loved one is never going to be a walk in the park.

Saying goodbye to a family member is even harder again whether they walk on two legs or four.

December 13, 2011.
After more than 18 years and 4 months in my life, our family cat, Poscus was put to sleep forever. The vet was amazed that he had lived so long. He was old, had trouble breathing amongst other things. But that isn't the cat I remember.

Poscus was our pure chocolate brown Burmese cat. He was the cat everyone liked and loved, the cat that people with allergies could cuddle and pat.
He had a presence.

He would kill possums bigger than him just for fun. He was the top cat and the other cats in our area knew it.

He was also very loving and affectionate. He would sit with you when you were depressed or just watching a movie; nuzzle your face giving you cat kisses and purr contently.
He wasn't one of those cats that meow incessantly; Poscus only meowed when absolutely necessary.

For most of those 18 years Poscus slept in my room, often in my bed and even more often on my head.

It hasn't been even close to a walk in the park saying goodbye to my dear dear friend - I still tear-up a little every now and then. But the Lord is gracious. With this one small beautiful cat that He brought into our lives Poscus was indeed a God sent that our family will always cherish and remember.  

One day I'll find you

There are many people in this world; close to seven billion according to Wikipedia.

But how many of them really matter to you?

Most people can only have 2 or 3 really close friends - best friends if you will. But how many of us actually find those people and keep them for years? I'm not sure.

There are some things that are important to being a really good friend or lover. This is a list of characteristic qualities I've been working on for quite some time now.

• Kind and compassionate
• Honest
• Truthful
• Hard-working
• Exercises self-control
• Gentle tongue (speaks kindly)
• Generous
• Forgiving
• Willing to be correct and listen to counsel
• Wise
• Integrity
• Faithful and reliable
• Humble
• Willing to admit when wrong
• Avoids excesses
• Has control of their temper
• Can keep confidence
• Not contentious but a peacemaker
• Has concern for others especially poor and oppressed
• Not jealous of others
• Has a positive outlook on life

Anything I've missed?