A deep sense of loneliness

There are times when a deep sense of loneliness engulfs every inch of me and I can't escape it; like a solid and lasting punch to the heart.

It isn't brought on by seeing lovers kissing, or even by the memory of falling asleep in the strong yet soft and gentle embrace of a man. No, it isn't brought on by anything like this.
The loneliness just comes from nowhere, punches me in the heart and leaves me to deal with that solid and lasting pain that then consumes me. It's as though this punch leaves a hollowness in my heart and soul that I am unable to fill.

Last year it was more than I could handle. But I couldn't bring myself to say anything to anyone. Thinking that Jesus is meant to be my comforter and councillor, I foolishly kept telling myself that should be able to pray about this and the Holy Spirit would help me out - I shouldn't have to talk to anyone about this! I knew that in order to remove the power that a situation or the power that struggles held over me (or you), I needed to speak about them. By speaking about it I would be shedding light on that situation or struggle and removing the power it held over me.
But with this deep sense of loneliness, no.
I didn't want to speak to anyone, I didn't want to ask for help, asking for help is considered a sign of weakness (popular culture tells me that so it must be true) and I'm not weak....
But I was wrong; oh so very very wrong. It was weak to not ask for help.

Friends, didn't know I was struggling and I certainly wasn't about to tell them I constantly felt deeply and desperately lonely - that I was fighting these feelings even when I was with trusted friends and family. No, I wasn't about to talk to them.

It was the Christian prayer counsellor I was seeing at the time that I eventually told. It took a couple of months. Yet there in that private room under the cover of a signed confidentiality agreement (which seems SO important when you don't want to talk about your feelings) I took a big breath, lifted my head to heaven to avoid crying as I spoke and told someone. For the first time I said "I'm lonely. I can't escape this deep painful loneliness in my heart and soul. It really hurts!"

SO glad I said something! Once I stopped crying (yes, even lifting my head so the tears wouldn't roll down my cheeks they inevitably did) we prayed.
That's a lie - I didn't pray; my prayer counsellor prayed for me and I agreed with her prayer. She prayed against spirit of loneliness, and that the Lord Jesus would fill my heart with His unconditional love as only He can, and take away this the deep loneliness, to fill me with His joy and love.

It wasn't until I lay in bed that night that I even noticed that for the first time, in I've no idea how long, I didn't feel lonely. My heart wasn't screaming for love. I felt FULL of Jesus' love! That love that only He can give! Through the Holy Spirit I knew and now really felt loved! Loved beyond words and beyond understanding - I am LOVED!

Looking back, the hardest part was telling someone about it. I couldn't break free on my own, I'd tried for months to do it by myself and I couldn't, I needed to ask someone else to pray me through it.

I can't encourage you enough - if this article has spoken into your heart PLEASE go and see a counsellor or ask a trusted wise friend to help you and prayer with you. You only need to ask! 

It's Easy in Percentages

Budgets are a common way to work out how much money you want to save but have you ever considered using percentages instead?

Let me explain.

I first started thinking about money in terms of percentages as I started paying more attention to the power tithing. Sure it's a concept that appears really early in the Bible, Leviticus 27:30 to be exact (thanks for the help on that one google). When we hit the book of Numbers chapter 18, the Bible starts to talk about percentages and tithing by a percentage, a tenth (10%) to be made as an offering to the Lord. 

A tenth is easy enough to work out - God being God, it's also ingenious! A tenth means that it doesn't matter how much we make we can always give ten percent. 

• When you're a kid and your pocket money is $1.00 - 10% is 10c
• As a student you earn $140.00 a week at your part time job - 10% is $14.00
• And so it goes on... no matter how high or low the numbers go.

When we're calculating how much money to offer to the Lord working out 10% seems easy. Even our government calculates our taxes on percentages. Yet, using a saving plan based on percentages baffles many people. Hopefully this will help explain it to you. 

Amiriche's Percentage Savings Plan

Your income either per week, fortnight, month is our starting point - 100%.

Your bills and everyday expenditure you want to convert into a percentage of your income. If it is an annual bill and your 100% is based on your monthly income then divide the bill by 12 and convert to a percentage - easy.
For example I spend per month 11.9% on transportation; car, petrol, public transport costs.
Once you have converted your bills into manageable percentages, simple deduct your percentage expenses from your income 100%. The figure you are left with is the percentage you have available to save.

What percentage of that 100% do you have left for saving? 0.2%, 12%, 34%?

Increasing your saving is always a good idea - you never know when you'll want to start a business or buy a car, lust after an uber expensive pair of shoes or cope of speeding fine! 

Whatever the percentage is that your saving start thinking about all your expenses as a percentage of your income (your 100%). It doesn't take long to which the way you look at your money. 

As you start to think about your money in terms of a percentage of your income you'll start to you want to increase the percentage your saving. And you'll find ways!

Today I bought a new winter jacket (it's really nice) which cost me just under 10% of my fortnightly salary but to me, I think it'll be worth the 10%. My phone bill, on the other hand costs me at just over 5% of my fortnightly salary... yeh I'm already looking for a cheaper phone plan.

Start thinking differently about your money. 

It'll pay off.

Goodbye my dear dear friend Poscus

Saying goodbye to a loved one is never going to be a walk in the park.

Saying goodbye to a family member is even harder again whether they walk on two legs or four.

December 13, 2011.
After more than 18 years and 4 months in my life, our family cat, Poscus was put to sleep forever. The vet was amazed that he had lived so long. He was old, had trouble breathing amongst other things. But that isn't the cat I remember.

Poscus was our pure chocolate brown Burmese cat. He was the cat everyone liked and loved, the cat that people with allergies could cuddle and pat.
He had a presence.

He would kill possums bigger than him just for fun. He was the top cat and the other cats in our area knew it.

He was also very loving and affectionate. He would sit with you when you were depressed or just watching a movie; nuzzle your face giving you cat kisses and purr contently.
He wasn't one of those cats that meow incessantly; Poscus only meowed when absolutely necessary.

For most of those 18 years Poscus slept in my room, often in my bed and even more often on my head.

It hasn't been even close to a walk in the park saying goodbye to my dear dear friend - I still tear-up a little every now and then. But the Lord is gracious. With this one small beautiful cat that He brought into our lives Poscus was indeed a God sent that our family will always cherish and remember.  

February Photo A Day Challenge

I only found out about the January Photo A Day Challenge half way through January. When I saw there was to be a February challenge I was excited and ready to start snapping photos on my iPhone!

We're only up to Day 7 (Button) which I still haven't done yet though I think it will be a traffic light button because cars, bikes and traffic lights are amazing! You might laugh at me saying that but what I've been enjoying most about these challenges is it forces me to stop and really look at my surroundings. 

As each day passes I want to take a great photo; looking at strangers (Day 4), the different ways words appear (Day 2) and wondering how I can take great photo of these - an interesting photo. 

It really is helping me live more in the moment, to enjoy my surroundings more and to really appreciate the everyday. What comes back to me each day is that I am blessed, in everything I do and everything I see, as a daughter of the Most High I am blessed. The only photo I've missed so far was yesterday - Day 6 Dinner, unfortunately I was too busy eating it to remember to take a photo! Eating it and simply being thankful that I had something to eat for dinner and it was provided by a loving Father who makes the sun rise and our food grow.

Are you part of the February Photo A Day Challenge?