Leaving home

This year I have wanted to move out of my parents house.
I lived out of home for about five years and then moved back when I went overseas on a short term missions trip to Cambodia in 2007.

I was certain I'd move out as soon as I got back from Cambodia. But I didn't.

Instead of moving out of my parents house I saved a tone of cash! And subsequently been on a stack of overseas holidays, doing things I'd always wanted to do.

• I went to Japan twice to snowboard for five weeks each
• I went to New Zealand twice for more snowboarding, though the second time as hard as we chased the snow we just couldn't catch any decent snow to board on, we did have a fun time trying non the less.
• I went The Sultanate of Oman, Dubai (in the United Arab Emirates) and The Sultanate of Bruni - just got back from this trip.
• I started a music distribution business called You Love Random.
• And moved from full time work to part time work so I can spend more time developing You Love Random.
• And lastly I started a publishing business this year called Ashworth Publishing. 

All things that if I was still renting at the time I wouldn't have been able to do. So I don't regret moving back.

So why do I want to move out of home again? Well, this last year, especially as I'm looking my 30th birthday in the eye at just four month away, I can't help but want my own place again. As friends are getting married, having kids, buying dinning tables, and all those other 'grown up' things, I'm not.
I'm at my parents house. They already have a dinning table, couches, rugs and paintings. I can decorate my room how I want it (to a certain extent) but no further.
While friends are enjoying cooking up a storm, I find myself in a storm if I want to cook because it's my dad's kitchen and only he can use it. It's wanting to do these little domestic things that makes me want to move out of my parents again.

I've prayed about it, looked into working out what's on the market and prayed some more. I've stamped my foot and made the decision - I'm moving out! I even told my Mum that I would move out by the end of the year.

Turns out that working three days a week doesn't provide enough cash to be able to live by myself.
I also discovered that to rent a one bedroom unit is now at least three times(!) more expensive than it was four years ago. The encouragement of friends opened the idea of sharing with other people. And again I went back to God. This time asking for housemates as well as somewhere else to live.

No one was interested in moving. I'm not partial to the idea of living with people I don't already know or that friends haven't recommended either. The idea of coming home from work to find a housemate completed of their head and eating my food is not something I long for in life!
I continued to speak to friends and would jump when people mention they might, maybe, possibly, maybe, might be, are kinda thinking about moving.
But in the end, nothing.

Finally a wonderful lady at my church decided that she wanted to move and was looking for housemates (pick me! pick me!) and was looking to move into the area I was hoping to live.
We chatted exchanged email addresses. I was excited! And nervous about packing up all my stuff. And excited! And nervous about how much of my pay-check it was going to take. And excited!

While on holidays these last three weeks I got an email from her. A sad email. The email explained that the christian bookshop were she worked was closing down. Her friend worked at the same place so moving in together wasn't going to happen, in fact she might be moving back to the country. Horrible news! My poor friend, God was closing a lot of door for her and this news right before Christmas wasn't particularly heart warming for her.

Ultimately, it is all in the Lord's hands and He has a wonderful plan for her.

It also means that I am not leaving home. God is keeping that door closed at this time.
At the right time, the door will open and I'll leave home but until then I'll do what I've been doing all this time. Save, and do the things I wouldn't otherwise be able to do. I will continue to wait for Jesus to open that door. And continue to be as patient as I can possibly be! It's not easy as I'm not that most patent person (I'm sure God is looking at me thinking 'stop tapping your foot, I'm not ready for you to move yet!').

No 20 - Freedom to dream

Looking out the window of the plane as I fly into Bruni I had a couple of thoughts.

Who do you call if you want to build an airport? Are there forms and paperwork that need to be completed first? Do you need permission from someone/some global authority?

I should find out.

Because, you know, one day I might want to have my own country like the Sultan of Bruni. I could. And I'll want people to visit. Hence, an airport. It's really quite logical.

But as I sit here in the airport listening to other travelers conversations I can't help but be grateful. At 29 and 7 months old I still dream like I child. But more than that I'm grateful that I was always encouraged and given the freedom to dream.

If you've got children don't squash their dreams let them dream anything is possible!

And, who knows, with a little hard work and determination they could make that dream a reality.
I could even have my own country one day.... but who do I call about building an airport?! A state of the art, fancy airport that people are happy to be in?

No 19 - Fat bass beats

Like me you probably have an adaptor to plug your iPhone, iPod or iBleh into your cars stereo system.
I bought a new adaptor earlier in the year which connects my iPhone to the stereo through the tape player.

Since then I have been listening to music and podcasts from my phone every time I've jumped in the car.

At some point the cable stopped working 100%. Since then I've been listening but only with music blasting out of one side of the cars speakers. So while my passengers are deafened I've been comfortably listening to tunes.

But the other day something happened.

I picked up the car from the mechanics jumped in the drivers side, turned on the engine and was meet with music blasting out of all speakers! It was wonderful!

It wasn't that I didn't know that all the speakers worked it was that I'd forgetting how good it is to hear music being played by the full force of the Dolby Surround Pro-Logic stereo system in my car. I know, I should be ashamed.

And as much as I am grateful to listen to music via the radio with all speakers what I'm really grateful for is the bass.

Resting my arm on the door and feeling the vibrations of the fat bass beats up my arm is.... so satisfying!

No. 18 - A chance to rest

Grateful to be able to take a long overdue holiday!

For two weeks I will enjoy all that Dubai, The Sultanate of Oman and The Sultanate of Bruni have to offer.

There will be very limited emailing and there will be no meeting to attend. It will be glorious!

No. 17 - Advice from friends

Today I'm grateful for something that happened a couple days ago.

A chance to learn. A chance to hear another side to the story. And a chance to gain a little more knowledge.

I enjoying reading, usually while on a train and usually to learn more about something. Currently I'm reading Rework and it is an excellent book. Simple and concise information broken down into manageable sized chapters.

One chapter, 'Pick a fight' didn't have such great advice. When I ran it past a friend and BAM, it's not great advice. Turns out what they are suggesting is defamation under Victoria law and a really tricky to avoid, prove and disprove.

Glad I double checked that advice before I did anything silly.

No. 16 - God IS good; prayer answered!

I'm OVER the MOON! With excitement and gratitude! 

Having you prayers answered time and again is wonderful! We don't always know how or when The Lord will answer our prayers but He always does. And when He answers a prayer you been praying for a long time - you can't help but beam and gush, feel all full of love, like your going to explode with His wonderful love!

It wasn't that long ago that I was praying for a friend; I'm sure others were too. I had been praying for her and her husband for quite sometime. A couple of years to be sure. 

We are not always privy to His plans or His ways; knowing what He will answer quickly or will stretch our faith. Be here we pray and our loving Father, the creator of the universe listens to every prayer. From prayers of request, acceptance, love, gratefulness and contemplation to prayers for healing, renewal and spiritual eyes to be opened to mention a few. He listens, He hears and He answers those of the righteous.

A couple of weeks ago I was ecstatic to discover that mine (and others) prayer was answered for my friend and her husband. An incredible miracle is happening right now, a beautiful baby will be born!!!! 

God IS good!

This is my nephew when he was a baby.

No. 15 - Fridays

Fridays are wonderful! The end of the week. The start of a weekend long sigh, yes Fridays are very good days no matter how busy they become.

No. 18 - Health

I'm grateful that I am healthy.
I can run and jump without pain.
I can swim with easy (though I'm not into doing lapse).
I can walk without pain or being concerned that I wont be able to walk back home again once I turn around.

I am grateful for my health.

No. 14 - Having my hair dressed...

Similar to No. 4, I'm grateful that I have the means to be able to pay someone to dress my hair - a hairdresser! 

If you live in Melbourne then you'll know that over the last couple of days there have been strong winds wiping through the city at extraordinarily high speeds. If you're female you know this means that your hair gets whipped around your face. And if you are in need of a hair cut then you'll know that this kind of wind just makes that desire for a hair cut stronger! 

I'm not a vain person but sometimes little things like getting my hair cut can slowly build up until I start looking at every hairdressers I past wondering 'could they squeeze me in for an appointment now...?' 

Quickly on my lunch break today I zipped into the city for a quick hair cut. It was driving my crazy. Thankfully a place could squeeze me in for an appointment, I was super grateful!

No. 13 - Lunch

There are days (like today) that by the time lunch arrives I'm ready to hug and kiss it before consuming it!
Yes, I am grateful for lunch. I'm ultimately grateful for food because I'm constantly eating but its usually lunch that brings that sigh meaning (finally, food, this body will survive till dinner whatever time that might arrive).

At work lunch is even more important. Its the small gap where I can switch of my mind and read a book or cruise the internet looking at the things I'm passionate about. Some days a girl just isn't that interested in electric cars or the manufacturing of metal components for the automotive industry.

The best lunches are the ones the are followed by a short stint of working flat out followed by a stroll to the bakery for delicious afternoon tea treats.
I'm tell you all now, that when I work for myself full time all my staff will stop for morning and afternoon tea. It makes it a much more enjoyable work place, like a place where (shock horror) staff are actually cared about and encouraged not to burn out.

So, what did you have for lunch today?

No. 12 - Anxiety and Stress are taken

I'm grateful for that The Lord takes all my anxiety and stress from the week and gives me a day of rest.

The last week was... hard. Getting out of bed to go to church wasn't easy but I got there and I worshiped and learned more about prayer. 

Today, I also started sewing a new summer dress. It's a project that is just for me. Making a dress is only a  little project that I enjoy doing every now and then. It's always rewarding; a new dress for summer is always nice. 

Sewing is very similar to cooking - if you can read you can do it! 

Like cooking, once you understand the basics you can make changes and alter the pattern in whatever way you desire - that's the fun part which is what I enjoy most about sewing. 

To me creating my own pattern or altering another pattern to make it my own is where the fun really lies. After that, the cutting and sewing are a little mind numbing but that just means its easy to watch a movie at the same time. Tonight I watched Cop Out and an episode of Fire Fly while altering a pattern I'd bought and cutting out the fabric. 

Through the mercy of Jesus all the stress and anxiety I had been feeling had left my mind. Relaxing and reading in the sun with tea and a cupcake after lunch in a cute cafe, after a wonderful church service. I was so relaxed that making a dress was what I was inspired to do.

Their was one small flash of anxiety; as I cut into some fabric that belonged to Gran. Gran was a dressmaker and she loved it! 

I'm looking forward to finishing the dress but moving at my own pass to make it is part of being able to take the time to stop and breath. 

 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear... Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?   "... So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear? For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." 
Matthew 6:25-35 (NIV)

No. 11 - Poscus

I'm grateful for Poscus; our cat. We've had him for around 19 (human) years. And he is the BEST!


For some reason now that he is a lot older he likes sleeping on my head, instead of sleeping under the blanket. There have been times when I've woken in the middle of the night to find the thing that woke me up was Poscus curling up and going to sleep on my head!

I have a possibly abnormal amount of photo's on my phone of Poscus sleeping curled up on my head, lap, the couch and a couple on the odd occasion when he's been playing with my one year old little nephew.

Yes, I'm very grateful for Poscus. He might only be a cat but he's always been there and like all animals knows when to comfort me. I think animals have a sixth sense for that kind of thing - they are amazing.

Speak of he, here he comes just in time for a 1:20am bed time.

No. 10 - Nectar of the gods..... coffee

Yesterday was a day filled with pleasing things. From helping people carry bike wheels down the street and discussing children's book publication strategies; it was a very pleasurable day.
But by 2:30pm I could feel the sickness coming on - feeling weak, body starting to ache and brain slowly starting to fuzz over, it was coming some kind of cold/flu thing.

Today, my whole body is aching and I feel so very lethargic. But with mountain loads of sleep, a few vegetarian meals and a heavy dosing up of vitamins I'm hoping I feel fine tomorrow.

As you've probably guessing it because of my current state I am intensely grateful for coffee! 
Mmmm the smell, the kick and delicious flavour, oh how grateful I am for this gloriously wonderful beverage.

No. 9 - Girls Group

I'm grateful for Girls Group.

Girls Group is a collection of girls from Newport church.
We meet together once a week to:

• change the world through our prayers(!!)
• catchup with each other and what has been happening in our lives
• eat dinner together
• listen to the wisdom of older woman every few weeks (hear the stories of their lives and how the Lord has impacted them and their families)

Really we all meet together and love each other through the tough times and the not so tough times. 

In many ways this falls under being grateful for friends but at the same time it's different. 

I'm grateful that all of us are committed to praying together, to each other and the group. Coming every week, sharing and being vulnerable about what is happening in our hearts and lives allows us to all grow closer to each other, encouraging and allowing us love each other like Jesus loves us. 

Having this specific time separated out from the rest of life's busyness I treasure. 

It means that when the rest of life does go crazy, and even finding the time to send a text seems like a mammoth task (to be tick off the list) that's when Girls Group really comes alive. It is in these times that Girls Group becomes part of the life giving water that Jesus offered the lady at the well. 

I almost feel that being grateful isn't enough - the dictionary would know a stronger word to describe how much of a blessing Girls Group and all the girls in it really are to me. But sadly I'm not a dictionary. 

No. 8 - Friends doonas

The emotional drain that I've been feeling because of changes at You Love Random recently has meant I haven't had a change to jump over here and write what I've been grateful for since last Wednesday. But that doesn't mean I haven't thought about it over the last four days, I have.

And today, as a sum up to the last four days, I'm grateful for the warmth of friend's doonas.

I have a Spiderman blanket on my bed but curling up under a friends doona is always comforting.
I'm not sure if its because their doona smells different to mine. Perhaps, it's the sense that their doona is somehow a symbolic reflection of they're love and protection of me by allowing me to be curl up under their doona. Either way it's... heart warming.
I'm grateful for friends that let me crash on their couches when all I need is to know I'm loved for being me, not matter what hard decisions I've had to make.
And friends that let me steal their doonas while watching movies.

Image source

No. 7 - Computers and the Internet

Today is freezing cold. And although their is a little sun shinny ever so weakly it isn't even warm in the sun shine which is sad.
I'm currently sitting in my office at the uni, looking out the window at students slowly maundering past. Most are talking to friends, talking on the phone, reading study notes or simply just staring at the road as they walk on by. But today I need a No. 7 and the students are more of a distraction and than an assistance (sometimes having them walk past is calming and helps to focus my thoughts).

No. 7 what will you be? What have I enjoyed today? What am I grateful for today?

Computers & the internet. It's too hard to separate them so I'm claiming both as they go hand-in-hand.

I haven't said that yet. And I do love the internet. It's hard to deny how much the internet has shaped my life - it must come straight after Jesus, family and friends dare I even say before family.

I remember my first computer when I lived in a little bungalow out the back of my parents house. I had it wedged behind the wardrobe so that I could stay up all night on the computer while lying in bed.
These days not much has changed, I still stay up all night on the computer though my computer is a laptop and I've discipline myself (after too many years) to not take my computer to bed with me.
My life is so integrated with computers and the internet that I now even have an online business, You Love Random.

Yes, I'm grateful for computers and the internet.

Little Games - still my favourite saying 11 years on (man that's a LONG time!).

No. 6 - Sunshine

What to be grateful for today... sunshine and light!

Living in darkness is drab. It is wonderful to spend time sitting in the sun. Absorbing the light and warmth! How do you even start to explain how wonderful light is? How do you explain how much happier you feel when you get lots of sunlight? Not sure, but it's true. Spending time in the sun makes me feel happier. 

Apollo Bay

Fathers Day & Lego

Fathers Day was yesterday for all of us here in Melbourne, Australia.

It was a good day. Lots of friends and family. And mounds of lego!

You see, not only was it Fathers Day but it was also my nephew's birthday party - he turns 10 on Tuesday. He has a crazy lego addiction at the moment so there were only two gifts that weren't lego - a analog wall clock and a book. Every other present was lego.

The great part was that once the olds left we all got to help him make his lego treasures! There were heros and villains, houses, and aliens too.

I made that lego cop boat!

What did you do fathers day?

No. 5 - Friends

Friends!

I could have put this as No. 2 or No. 3 but as I'm not writing these in too much of an order it doesn't really matter.


I am very grateful for my friends! My true friends. The ones I see on a weekly basis and the ones I see a couple of times a year. The relationships with those friends that truly enrich my life and are what make life so enjoyable.

In many respects life is all about relationships, loving and supporting our friends through everything. The friends that even if facebook, twitter, google + and foursquare where never invented I would still call friends.

Every now and then I do wonder 'why are they my friends?' but that just makes me more grateful that they have chosen to be my friend.

Laughter, food and the ability to speak into each others lives with love and compassion is incredible and its with friends that this happens to most.

Yep, defiantly grateful for friends. Defiantly love all my friends.

 I could easily keep adding more pictures of friends but these are the first I found. The picture of TEH J holding his ladies handbag makes me laugh every time, too funny.

  

No.4 - Massages

I'm grateful for the relaxation pampering industry.

I'm sure the industry has a real title I'm just not sure what it is but you know the people I mean, right? I'm talking massages, manicures, pedicures, haircuts and colours, eyelash tinting all those things (some more girly than others). 

I try and have one once a week. 

I'm not talking a full blown full body massage, as fantastic as that would be. A full body massage every week would make the bank happier than me via the interest I would start paying on the debt hole that would swallow me into!  

No, once a week I get a simple 20 minute neck and shoulders massage. Every now and then I'll throw in a back massage too but that's perhaps once a month. 

If you don't have massages I implore you - go to one of the many massage places that have popped up in most shopping centres and get a just a 20 minute massage it should only cost about $20 and the benefits you'll feel are worth it! 

After massages I'd have to say I really enjoy getting pedicures - probably because I wear heels for the majority of the week. The trick with pedicures is to make sure you go to a place that sits you in a massage chair (it's almost a two for one deal!).

So today, I'm grateful for this industry. They take care of my body in a way that stress, heels and a handbag most certainly do not. 

Image from ACNT

This picture is proof that men need massages too - stop ignoring the tension go get a massage now!

No. 3 - Free

Freedom.

No. 2 - Family

This morning as I walked to work reading Monocle (great mag, go get a copy) I stopped and wondered what I was grateful for today.

What am I grateful for today? I've already said my salvation through Jesus.

I'm sure at some point I'll defiantly be grateful for coffee and sleep. But not today.

After just spending the last hour and a half talking to my cousin in Queensland -she has fractured bits of her elbow, is starting a new business and is getting used to being a step mummy to two lovely kids - I couldn't help but smile once I hung up the phone.

Today I'm grateful for... my family.

Yes, my family I know it sounds corny but they truly are very important to me and I am grateful for each of them.

To me family are the people that you can say anything to, you can call them on anything and they are the people that I will always love and support - without question.

Enjoy this FAKE family pic I found online; I don't have a brother or a dog (wish I had one of both) but I'm grateful for the REAL family I do have which includes our cat Poscus.

No. 1 - Jesus

My mind and I have been fighting quite a bit recently.

My mind is hell bent on focusing on all the negative things, the horrible things that happen to people and the things that I don't have.
I, on the other hand want to focus on the positive things, the incredibly wonderful things that happen to people and the things that I do have. The sweet, cute and nice things in the world - the things that make you smile.

So here I am, today making a choice. To stop for just a second of each day for the next 21 days and writing down one simple thing that I am grateful for. By blogging it I feel like I'm putting a stronger voice to my own voice, over my mind's voice.

Don't you agree that sometimes the thoughts in our heads becoming overwhelming?

Writing down the things I'm grateful for wont change anything on 'My List of Things to Consider Changing' but at the same time jumping the gun to change things could be quite disastrous if done out of turn too. There is a time for everything.

No. 1

The saving grace of Jesus Christ.

Sure you can't see Him or touch Him but through the Holy Spirit he lives in my heart. I can pray and be renewed by His love for me, and I feel that in my soul, in the very core of my being. For before I was formed He knew me and the plans that He has for me are ones to prosper and not harm me!

It's time for a change

As Deej continually says "do what you've always done to get what you've always gotten." And it's true.

As I'm getting increasingly frustrated and disappointed with what I've been getting; it's time for a change.

My List of Things to Consider changing;

• Where I live
• How I earn a crust
• Exercising more
• Eating better (healthier, more green stuff)
• The amount I communicate about my life to others
• The amount of creative output I produce.

Do I have a plan to change any of this things? I'm working on it.

The last two on the list I should be able to change with relative ease. The first two things will require more planning and thought and the ones in the middle will mean I need to apply some discipline (not an easy feat).

On my way

Written to Alejandro's future wife - wherever and whoever she is.

TED Talk: Billy Graham

FLASH BACK! 1998 TED Talk by Billy Graham speaks of how technology revolutions have happened before and do bring about incredible progress in many areas but says technology wont bring the end of evil, suffering and death.

Free vs. Paid - Harlan Ellison

Professionals are the one's you pay money to hear, read and see.

When I Became a Man

" When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child. But when I became a man I put aside childish things." 1 Corinthians 13:11

"I will wait for you"

Spoken Work poetry - it's impressive!

It's taking OVER!

It started with a big toe only slightly dipping into the water; the water of online clothes shopping.At first it was a pair of pants but before they had even arrived it was a couple of bras too. And now I'm back there. Scouring ASOS, Victoria's Secret, Net-o-porter, Tony Bianco, Nude Shoes, Nine West thelist goes on - all for the perfect shoe or skirt or, or.... dress!

I have accounts with more online clothing retailers than I care to remember but they are kind and remind me with constant emails for sales and discounts. With each one I have a swagger of saved items patiently waiting for my next pay check.

The crazy level of shopping that on occasion consumes ever fibre of my being is still controlled; just.

I have rules you see. Rules that can never be broken; rules learned through great spending splurges of years gone by.

If you need help consider adopting the following rules too:

1. Only begin when all credit cards have a balance of $0.

2. The total amount spent on clothing can not exceed the amount of disposable income for that pay period, once that limit is reached it's time to click the 'Save for Later' button.

3. For every major item bought* at least one item must be given away to a op-shop.

*jacket, skirt, shirt, dress, shoes

Three months and nothing

It's been three months since I've written anything here. Probably because I spend most of my 'blog writing time' working on stuff for the You Love Random blog.

Day it is a public holiday is Melbourne. The sun is shiny and everyone seems happy and carefree wondering around outside. But not me. I have to work today.

The day is going very slowly. But tonight will be better. Going to Hogans Gallery for the Studio Ink opening with the girls and then dinner with more friends, it should be good.